Uhhh...Really?

I'm afraid to type it. I'm afraid if I utter the words, it will end. I didn't expect to be this nervous... According to a cheap chinese mail-order test and a more expensive bought-in-the-usa test - I am pregnant. Okay, I said it. I expected my period last week on Thurs or Friday, but as usual, I tested early on Wednesday. A couple weeks back, I ordered some pregnancy tests (strips) from China. They cost $2.00 for a pack of ten. I did it just for shits and giggles. So I peed in a dixie cup on Wednesday morning while my 2 year old watched Sid the Science Kid. I dropped the stick in the cup and waited to see the lone line that would confirm the absence of pregnancy hormones. But what to my surprise did I see? A faint second line... After picking myself up off the floor, I dug around in my bathroom cabinet and found a "more reputable" home pregnancy test and stuck that one in my cup of pee. Drum roll please - there was a plus sign in one window. Wait - what does that mean? Where are the directions?!?! Yup, it means I've got pregnancy hormones in my pee.

Back in June when I saw the positive pregnancy test after trying month after month, I cried a little. I was so excited and happy and beside myself, that I cried. This time I just sighed real big and then hugged my son. I'm so scared. I'm afraid be excited. I keep praying and begging this little one to stick and be healthy and hang in there. I'm hoping I will be a little bit more at ease once I have that first appointment w/ my OB and I see the heartbeat. The sucky thing is my last miscarriage happened at 9 1/2 weeks which was after my first OB appt, after I saw the heartbeat. I don't want to be weary this entire time - I want to enjoy my pregnancy and be happy. My first pregnancy was marred w/ a lot of stress and I've so looked forward to a pregnancy where I could focus on being pregnant and not dealing w/ a lot of outside problems. Maybe this will be the one. The only thing I can do is take one day at a time.