The Party

I realized today that posting and updating this blog is keeping me a little more sane. This morning I read a few blogs I follow - mostly blogs from women who were dealing w/ issue of infertility and then got pregnant. While I'm really happy these women have gotten pregnant, I still get depressed reading their blogs (then why do I read them you might ask...good question and one I've been asking myself for a while). I suppose I read them b/c it give me hope that I will get pregnant eventually. There's one particular blog I follow consistently and have been reading since April or May. This blogger had been dealing w/ infertility for a few years and after several IVFs, she got pregnant about the same time I did in June. So, each week she reports on how she is doing and how the baby is growing - just like my life would be if I were still pregnant. She's still going strong and I'm so happy for her, but still sad I'm not pregnant and able to report on my pregnancy week to week. Having a baby/child is huge. You cannot feel the emotions of being a mother, of having someone totally dependent on you, unless you have a child. I am so blessed b/c I have my son and even if I am never able to have another child, I got that one chance to be pregnant. I got that one chance to have baby showers and then spend hours touching and organizing all of the gifts in the nursery. I got that one chance to go through labor and deliver a beautiful healthy baby. I got that one chance to go through sleepless nights and breast feed what seemed like every minute of the day. I got that one chance to see my baby do all those "firsts" - smiling; reaching; rolling over; sitting up; saying mama; crawling; walking, etc. I got that one chance to plan and celebrate my son's first birthday (and every birthday thereafter) and do so many other things that mean the world to me. You know, I really don't have any reason to believe I will not get pregnant again and some of this is just momentary pity for myself. I think the moment has passed.

Here's some shots from the big 2nd birthday party.

Pic 1- Eating cake batter b/f the big event.

Pic 2 - The spread.

Pic 3 - Pool party.

Pic 4 - Blowing out the candle.